Something Unpredictable
by June Birdie
Summary: Oh don't give me that look, I've done what I had to to survive. Becoming a mercenary was the better option. Besides, with these nanotech implants I'm basically invincible, you need me.
1. Prologue

So like a dork, I've watched _The Hobbit_ thrice because that's the unfortunate way of my life. While I should be doing something productive with my life (ie job applying) I couldn't really get this story out of my head. Particularly since it somewhat coincides with the LOTR story growing mold on my laptop. Anyway, reviews would be lovely and forgive my inaccuracies/mistakes/etc. I haven't written a fanfic in a long while.

Anyway, STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES

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Prologue

* * *

Another beautiful day dawned in Rivendell, despite the darkness roiling in the east; the very air was vibrant and intoxicating in the Elven homestead. And to the aching bones of a surprisingly old hobbit, waking up in Rivendell was a blessing he had not had the pleasure in many a year. Slowly he toddled out of his guest room to greet the morning sun with the chirping birds and his pipe full of Old Tobey, humming a song he'd learned as a younger hobbit. The words to the song he had never really understood, but never forgot and never sang aloud since that time.

"….believe that anybody feels  
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
But I don't know how

Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall..."

A low feminine voice continued the song the hobbit hummed and brought him to a sudden halt. Following the voice, he came across a partially hidden glen where a young human female lay on the grass. Although garbed in clothing of elfish combat trainees, the female was undoubtedly female, or his name was not Bilbo Baggins. Long midnight hair spilled from her head as she lay in sprawled abandon, eyes closed and face tilted toward the rising sun. White strings in her ears connected to a box, something else he was vaguely familiar with from his past, lay on her pale green tunic clad tummy. Next to her stood an open picnic basket and what looked like the remains of a very early breakfast of fruits, pies, breads, cheeses and perhaps juice. It had just occurred to the elderly hobbit, that he had not yet enjoyed breakfast this morning.

While it had been many a year when he'd last visited Lord Elrond, Bilbo was certain this female was not an ordinary human. If his past had taught him anything, the Valar always had a plan be they human or not, they were never ordinary. Moving as quietly as his old body would allow, Bilbo crept closer to the singing young woman and continued his study of her features. Light olive skin, high cheekbones, a tall aristocratic nose and full bow lips; she was not as stunning as the elves nor one the gentle bred beauties of man, but she was the sort of lovely that snuck up upon a male.

"Pardon, my intrusion mistress…is that _Wonderwall_?" He questioned looking down over her face blocking the sun. Dark brows furrowed over honey-brown slanted eyes as the human rolled to sit up facing him. She pulled the strings from her ears as though trying to find the right words.

"Did… did you just say _Wonderwall_?" Bilbo even found her low, slightly rough voice pleasant as he nodded. "You know of Oasis? How is that possible?"

"Ah my dear, it is a very long story from long ago. But I recall a youngling who looked remarkably like you in my youth. She taught it to me." He smiled fondly recalling the female from long past. The young woman stood and tucked away the little box and strings into her pocket before tidying her picnic.

"Really? A long story?" Her face brightened as Bilbo extended his arm in invitation, "I would love to hear it. Would you care to join my breakfast somewhere more comfortable?"

"Delighted, mistress…?"

"Oh…Winifred Laurel Manzana of San Francisco, California; but most just call me Fred. At your service." She grinned crookedly with an embellished curtsey.

"Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, the Shire. At yours, Mistress Fred." The hobbit returned her grin and bowed as low has his body was able, which given his age, was not much.

Bilbo smiled as they came to a cozy gazebo where she laid the basket upon the cushions and proceeded to unpack food item after food item. The hobbit was seated comfortably across from her upon another cushion with a raised brow to the amount of food she lay out.

"I was warned of the legendary appetites of hobbits, I prepared myself just in case. However, you are the first I have encountered this past year and a half." Fred explained as she handed him a slice of bread and cheese. "Although, I think my lord Elrond may be attempting to keep me outta sight from his soon-to-arrive guests. But you didn't hear it from me." Her eyes twinkled with the conspiratorial light of a mischief-maker, one he had seen often in his old friend Gandalf; perhaps they knew one another. As soon as they had settled contentedly, Fred turned to him eagerly awaiting his story.

"Well, lass it started long ago in the Dwarven Kingdom of Erebor…"


	2. Chapter 1

**_Anyway, STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES_**

**_Special Thanks to Jade Opal for being my beta on this! Really appreciate it. Also there is a lot of bad language in this chapter, but there is a reason for it. Thanks for following, reading, lurking. Please don't forget to review as well!_**

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Chapter 1

Alarms howled and lights flashed with a warning that sent chills down my spine and raised the hair on the back of my neck. Smoke hazed in the cockpit and everything stank of ozone; I could barely breathe and neither could I wipe away the sweat stinging my eyes with my helmet in the way. All of these were minor to the enemy fighter on my ass and I'm a damn good pilot. I, Aleia Kwon, am one of the best gods-damned pilots on the _Witch's Treat_, but this guy...another shot clipped my good engine and more red flashed. FUCK!

"Mayday! Mayday! I'm hit!" I screamed into my com as the space above the planet faded the closer I came to the atmosphere. I fought for control of my ship, all the while praying to the stars that the damage wasn't too severe. Sweet Cosmic Goddess, please let whatever backwater planet I crash-land into be habitable for humans.

"_Warning Lieutenant! Enemy pilot has weapons locked!"_ The ship's computer announced politely over the screaming klaxons. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCK! Attempting a barrel roll, my ship jerked at another hit. _"Port engine has been hit! Critical damage Lieutenant!"_

"Thanks computer," I stated sarcastically as my ship hurtled through the atmosphere of the planet, the force of gravity pressing me into the seat.

_"You are very welcome Lieutenant!"_ The cheeky computer just had to reply.

With a frustrated yell, I frantically reached for the emergency release that would shoot me from my damaged ship to a reasonably safe distance should the core decide to meltdown. My fighter spiraled towards the green and brown blobs that quickly formed lush landmasses. Possibly much like the planet I'd escaped from as a younger woman; any other day I would have taken the time to remark upon this, had I not been plunging toward an undoubtedly fatal crash. Reach, dammit! Finally my hand gripped the release and soon my seat became the escape pod.

As my pod propelled me from my ship I prayed the enemy wouldn't follow my escape. I'd be nowhere near my ship if he followed that, but my pod wasn't upgraded with defense equipment yet. Damn captain was too busy with his new husband to remember my request.

Guiding my pod through the blue skies, I scanned for a safe and hidden place to land and await rescue. This planet had lush rolling hills and lazy rivers, fields and fields of fresh produce, dense leafy forests; it was a veritable fantasy land—my pod shook, "What the fuck was that, Computer?!"

_"Enemy has grazed the pod on the starboard side, Lieutenant."_ Shit!

"Computer, put everything into the rear thrusters, when he shoots again, he'll be shoot at my smoke."

_"Affirmative, Lieutenant, power to rear thrusters. Countdown in 5…4—" _

"JUST DO IT!" I screamed right before the G's slammed me back again and my world blacked out.

* * *

I woke to the hum of my internal computer and found myself hanging in my pod upside down, the shield-glass cracked under the weight of the pod. The emergency light that should have lit the interior was gone, damn.

"Computer, scan the area for hostile life-forms. Especially for that Goddess-damned bastard that shot me down. And double check if this planet is at least habitable," I commanded while tugging off my helmet. My braids tumbled toward the earth as I carefully contorted out of the seat onto the shield-glass.

_"No signs of hostile life-forms in the immediate area, Lieutenant. Planet can support beings of a similar physiology."_ At least that was something; my emergency pack may have the supplies I need for at least a week or two if I am careful. Now time to escape my escape pod.

"Computer, what is the chance of survival if I force the ship into a roll? And how much of my energy will be depleted to do this?"

_"Chances of survival 78%, you will be left at half capabilities, Lieutenant."_ Hm, that's not too terrible. If I can—_"Warning! Enemy weapons have locked onto your location from the starboard side."_ SHITPISSFUCK!

"What?! I thought there were no hostile life-forms, Computer!"

_"That was over five minutes ago, Lieutenant. The enemy ship has since then locked onto your position."_ Of course. With an angry growl, I threw my weight into the starboard side of my ship causing it to rock, I kept at it until it started to roll over the forest floor; if he was coming from that side then he'll pass over and have to turn around. Considering the damage I gave him, he'll definitely have enough problems getting it up. The crunching, screaming sounds metal and shield-glass raked at my ears as I was tossed about in the cockpit until finally the ship stopped on its side and I could kick my way out. Just barely.

Pulling my go-bag on, I let out a pained groan when it hit my dislocated shoulder. I demanded a personal damage report. _"Lieutenant, please be aware that you are now at 38% capability. You have a dislocated left shoulder, two cracked ribs, one broken rib, and a gash to the dermis above your left eye, internal bruising of your kidneys and spleen, bone bruising of your forearms, left tibia and right femur, and your clavicle is cracked on the left."_

I asked how long to heal as I limped to rest against the wide trunk of the nearest tree while scanning the air for my attacker. So far so good; I pushed forward as quickly as my abused 4'11" body would allow._ "You will require 9 hours, 34 minutes and 15 seconds to completely heal, Lieutenant."_ Damn.

"Computer," I hissed through labored breaths, "self-destruct—_ah_—the escape pod—_pant—_I don't want—_tsss—_that bastard—_hah_—catching up." Let him think I'm dead. I've got him tagged. Once I get back to my fighter, he's dead me—"OW!" my damn bag jostled against my battered body forcing me to stop again. This is gonna take so fucking long! "Computer—_pant_—find me—_ah_—somewhere to hide." Already the nano-bots were repairing the damage to my body, I could feel the difference as my energy was slowly depleting and the sky dimmed.

_"Affirmative Lieutenant, self-destruct sequence initiated; the blast will be directed skyward. There is a residence with one occupant .20 kilometers south of your location. At your current speed, you will reach your destination within 2 hours and 10 minutes. Recommended course of action: ingest two red energy capsules to reach destination before the planet's sun sets."_ One thing I truly hate are those damn capsules, the emergency energy they provide is great, but the depending on the physiology of the life-form, the crash can be a bitch. And I just happen to be one of those damn life-forms, Terran aka Human.

Running my fingers along the pockets of my dark grey flight suit, I tap two bright red capsules out from the box and chew furiously. The effects are immediate and I tell my internal computer to dull the pain long enough to get to the residence I'm being directed to.

* * *

It wasn't long before I stop along a well-worn path before a green hill with windows and a round green door. There was a pleasant little garden and bench next to the steps and path up to the door. I manage to gasp out, "Computer, you have got to be joking."

_"Negative Lieutenant Kwon, this is the nearest residence with one occupant."_ I let out a sigh as even my reserves are running low. _Please be a nice little old lady who can give me refuge for the night_, I think to myself as I force myself up the short steps and knock on the door.

The round door opens to reveal a little man shorter than my tiny 4'11" height with light brown curls, kind eyes set in an equally kind but puzzled face, until he notices the dried blood on my face and clothes. He speaks in his native tongue and my computer quickly translates to "Good Evening…? Oh my, are you hurt?"

My mouth moves to shape unfamiliar words until I croak out, "Sanctuary…please," before falling against him in complete exhaustion.

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**_Well, what do you think? Hope you like Aleia. Send me reviews, please!_**


	3. Chapter 2

_**Anyway, STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES**_

_**Thank you everyone for reviewing and reading and lurking. And a special Thank You to my Beta Jade Opal for putting up with me.**_

* * *

Chapter 2

"_Lieutenant Kwon! It is imperative you wake."_ My internal computer whispered in my head followed by light prodding electrical shocks. With groan and shift on my mattress, I ignored my AI and drifted back to sleep so my wounds could continue to heal.

"AGH! YOU SADISTIC NAGGING AI BITCH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH FIVE MORE FUCKING MINUTES?!" I screamed after a large electrical shock to the system forced me awake. "Do that again and I'm gonna fucking rip out your goddess damned circuit!" The outburst brought the little short man running into the door and stop short as I continued to threaten my internal computer. Pain ripped through my healing body where I wasn't fully recovered, my shoulder and legs hurt the worst; and I fell back against the mattress in pained gasps. "…you motherfucking, son of a bitch…"

"Um…sorry to disturb you miss," The little man leaned over my head; in his hands, he held a bowl that emanated lovely tasty smells. "Are you still unwell?" Licking my lips, my eyes followed the bowl of yummy smells as he set it upon a bedside table. "Ah, um let me help you up. Yes?" Together, we struggled to prop me up in the small bed properly and I could actually take in my surroundings whilst he gave me the bowl of scrumptious delights. It was a fresh vegetable and protein stew; not only was it delicious, but it didn't come from a ration packet. I devour it in moments. The place was very nice, neat and cozy; very unlike the cool, sleek, chrome and metal of the ship I spent the last 15 years of my life on, 10 on another similar.

Poor little man, saddled with an injured, angry, deadly mercenary; it wasn't his fault I got shot down. With a contented sigh and full belly, I stopped him from leaving, "Hey, I'm sorry about this. Thank you for your kindness, if not for you, I might have died of my injuries." My internal computer counters the opposite in my head. _"That statement is invalid, Lieutenant. The nano-technology had been healing you rapidly and would prevent any such demise."_

"I am Lieutenant Aleia Kwon of the _Witch's Treat_, at your service." His eyes widened at the mention of my ship and I realized my mistake, "It's a ship! A ship! Not magic or actual witchcraft or whatever your planet has. Anyway…you are?"

"Bilbo Baggins of Bag End." He cleared his throat and dipped into a slight bow. How cute!

"Well Mr. Baggins, somehow I will repay you. Not exactly sure how, but…I will." He started to say how it wasn't necessary, until I cut him off, "Does you sun burn hot?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The sun. Are your days warmer than your nights? On my home planet, we had two moons and they made the nights hot, other planets aren't like that but who knows? So, is it like that on this planet?" Poor Bilbo still looked baffled. "I'm from beyond the skies, where the stars are…well further than that. Can't you tell I'm not from around here? Sure, I'm taller than you, and so far this planet is pretty much like any other backwater place I've passed by. I mean, don't get me wrong, this place is lovely and all but there's no tech. Not like mine anyway." I pulled back the sling on my left arm to expose the external computer cuff that covered half my forearm to bring up the 3D holo-vid of the house from the outside. "See? There hasn't been anything like this around here has it?"

"N-no. I—"

"Which is exactly my point, Bilbo, I need to get back to my ship, and as hospitable as you've been I'm certain you don't need me underfoot. So I have to figure out how to repay your kindness and get the hell out of dodge. Only, the best way for me to do that is to recharge my gear. That's why I ask if your sun burns hot; I have the solar chargers that pull the heat from your sun into my chargers and make sure all of my equipment is ready at any given moment, especially my blaster and laser blades. I don't know what kind of creatures your planet may have so it's best that my weapons are at full power. My body on the other hand may take a few more hours." I mentally question my AI and it confirms that I need another three hours for the shoulder. "I may have a few lunar chargers but those can be spotty at best because not all planets moons are the same, some are cold, some hot, some make their inhabitants purple…anyway I have ways to make my tech ready. They're all in my go-bag which will help me…go." I paused, waiting for his answer. "So?"

"Well, I—"

"Never mind, I'll check myself. I need to secure the area anyway. Besides I'm almost fully healed." I smile and lever myself from the bed that happens to be a lot lower to the ground than I'm used to. "Well at least your ceilings aren't too low. Do you have a bathing unit? Uh…a washing space?" He takes the empty bowl with surprise as I strip my dirty drab grey shape-sculpting flight suit to my waist revealing the feminine lavender tank top underneath. The lacy black bra peeped from the low neck until I tugged my top back proper and fixed the sling for my shoulder, wincing at the slight twinge of pain.

When I turned back to face Bilbo, he had a puzzled expression and seemed to stare at the spot where my back had been turned to him; the remains of my prostitute's brand. I could have had my tech heal the ugly puckered scar where I had taken a blade to my own flesh and carved it from my skin, but that's a memory for another time to think about. "Bilbo?" I called to him bringing him back to the present.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" His easygoing smile was brought back.

"I could use a bath…"

"Oh right, this way."

* * *

"_Computer, scan the area for hostile life-forms. I don't want to take any chances that flying rat bastard could show up while I'm charging. And make sure no one is going to suddenly come up without warning like last time."_ I commanded internally before following Bilbo out in the sun.

"_No hostile life-forms in the immediate area. Scans will continue every 2 minutes to prevent future ambush possibilities."_ I sigh at the AI's cheekiness and thank the computer while setting up the solar chargers atop the hill of Mr. Baggins' house before stretching out myself and soaking up the heat of the sun with a happy sigh. It isn't often the _Witch's Treat_ gets to enjoy a planet's natural resources, we're mercenaries and because of that we are not always welcome on some planets with a lot of natural resources. I'm actually surprised at how low-tech this place is; there isn't even electricity!

"Aleia, are you alright up there? Should you even be doing that with your shoulder like that?" Bilbo called up to me.

"Everything is fine Bilbo, most of the bruising is gone and my clothes need to dry. Enjoy your pipe and relax." I replied calmly and lowered my shades over my eyes. "It's a beautiful morning."

* * *

"_Lieutenant, approaching life-form from the east. Male, 55-58 star cycles."_ My computer alerted me from a light doze an hour and a half later.

"_Threat Level?"_ I asked quietly rolling onto my stomach and belly crawling to the coordinates my computer spouted to me.

"_Unknown."_ Brilliant. Unhooking my blaster from the holster strapped to my thigh I assessed the situation. A tall elderly male, possibly Terran in species wearing a grey, tall, pointed hat and grey robes was speaking to Bilbo in front of his gate. The conversation seemed a touch odd, but well I'm a space mercenary and strange doesn't bother me overmuch. Soon the conversation ended and from what I could tell Bilbo sounded flustered as he retreated inside his house from his interaction with the tall Terran male in grey. Really, that little man is so easily worked up. I gotta look into that at some point.

"_Lieutenant, there is a charge of energy emanating from the unknown male."_

"_Yeah, I noticed that too, computer." _I watched as he used his long walking staff to trace something upon the door. Now, that's quite rude; not only did this guy fluster Bilbo, but he has the balls to write on the little man's door! Well, as Mr. Baggins' houseguest and temporary guard until I serve a higher purpose, I could not let the insult to my host stand.

"I suggest you be on your way sir." I stated loudly aiming my blaster at him as I stood to my full height above him on the house. I'd slipped my arm from its sling earlier despite the twinges of pain. Can't let this possible threat know of my less than 100% condition.

"Hello. Please put that away, it looks quite threatening." My eyes merely narrowed and I let the powering hum of the blaster get louder. "I assure you that I am no danger to Mr. Baggins, in fact I simply invited the hobbit on an adventure...although it seems you've beaten me to it by just being here, my dear."

"Uh-huh. And who are you to offer such a thing?" I demanded slightly lowering my guard when my internal AI stated his threat level as medium low. Crouching on my haunches to be more at level with the elderly grey male, I grinned a dangerous and feral grin I learned from my captain. "From the looks of you, I wouldn't consider you much of the adventure type."

"I am Gandalf the Grey and I am a wizard." he stated rather indignantly.

"Bullshit. There's no such thing." There isn't, everything can be proved by science. I should know. "Magic is just science unexplained, especially on a backwater planet like this one."

He huffed and stuttered a bit but processed my words, "Did you say planet? Where are you from? Who are you? You look like no hobbit, dwarf or child of man I've ever seen. And certainly not an elf."

"I am Mr. Baggins' temporary guard and houseguest 'wizard'. So, just walk away now." I dismissed the old coot and his ridiculous notions. He smiled an enigmatic sort of smile and walked off with a mutter of return. "Yeah and if you do, I'll put a laser through you!" Of all the planets and galaxies I've traveled, I just had to…ugh forget it. Stupid backwater, primitive planet. I need to be back in my fighter among the stars.

* * *

"Wow, something smells delicious, Bilbo." The little man stood cooking in his kitchen over the fireplace that evening. Huh, real fire. Don't see that very often.

"Aleia, please." Bilbo pulled out the chair at his table and motioned me to sit. I smiled my thanks while my AI scanned the food and alerted to me of its safety for my physiology. Hey, can't be too careful, this planet's resources could have very adverse effects on my system if I'm not too careful. I'd rather all my parts stay in the same place as they were manufactured to be.

"Bilbo?"

"Yes?"

"What's a hobbit?"

"I-I'm sorry?" Poor befuddled little person, Bilbo stared inquisitively for my meaning.

"The so-called 'wizard' called you a hobbit. Now it doesn't sound totally derogatory, but well I don't know the traditions of this planet…so what is it?"

"Um...hm. Well I _am_ a hobbit. We're the littlest people of Middle Earth, Aleia. The big people call us halflings too, bit my people usually prefer hobbits." He explained as I dug into my meal.

"Oh...kay. But I'm bigger than you and Terran, so...What's with the look?"

"I thought you were possibly a dwarf from your size or a very small human...what's a Terran?" Oh boy, how do I explain myself to someone with very little grasp of science and technology? I mean, I am human, but I've been classified as Terran for so long I forget.

"Well, it means human; ages ago my people came from a planet called Earth. Eventually all humans, despite planet of birth, became classified as Terran. Not totally sure why though. Either way, Mr. Baggins, my stay with you will not be for much longer and this will just be a paragraph in your life's story." Bilbo somehow seemed to accept my explanation or maybe it was the reassurance that my presence would be very temporary. Together we enjoyed a quiet and hearty meal, one thing I learned about hobbits is that they are fond of their meals and generous portions. I really don't think I've ever eaten this much since before I became a merc.

"That was delicious, Bilbo. And a lot…I think I'm going to sleep now. See you in the morning." I said after helping him clean up from dinner. I was finally fully healed and can now sleep like a normal Terran, I should probably leave tomorrow afternoon, poor little hobbit doesn't need life-forms like me hanging around. Besides I've got a flying space rat bastard to find and kill. Nobody shoots me down and lives.

* * *

Later that evening, I exchanged the solar chargers on the roof for lunar ones. A cool breeze lifted my loose midnight locks from the sloppy bun I'd twisted my hair into. After my bath I'd taken out the braids that usually fit my helmet, but since I lost it rolling my escape pod there's no point keeping them. It's a clear sky tonight and perfect to charger my gear.

_"Lieutenant, unidentifiable life form approaching Baggins' domicile from the west. Threat level low-medium."_ My computer alerted me before I could possibly enjoy the sound of night on this planet. What did Bilbo call this place? Oh right, Middle-Earth.

"_Copy that, computer."_ Quietly I slipped back into the house and changed into my clean flight suit and tank, tied the sleeves around my waist and strapped my blaster and laser blade to my leg. While I want to appear harmless to this life-form, I'm not stupid. Adjusting my lavender tank top, I had made it into the foyer just in time to see Bilbo in his robe and nightshirt open the door to a balding yet hairy man not much taller than myself. He was rather stocky with a bulbous nose, dark hair and rings in his ears. Despite his cloak blocking my view, I knew he was undoubtedly heavily armed.

"Dwalin, at your service."

* * *

_**And...Now it**_** starts.**


End file.
